“How can you ever worry when you have seen your soul – your strength, your beauty, your golden wings. Jump into the abyss and you will fly.” – Deepak Chopra.
I came across this tweet on Twitter today. It is a basic concept that I have embodied with heart and soul for many years now, however the way Mr. Chopra phrased it on this day has struck me particularly hard because of how it is worded in a manner that paralleled a dream I had the night before last.
It was a very intense and clear dream. I was the passenger in a car driving on a beautiful, scenic and windy road. The driver was not recognizable to me in my consciousness, but I know she was a friend. In the back seat, my son was strapped into his carseat content and happy. We came around the corner to an amazing landscape of stark white snow and a wide open lake lay below the cliff in front of us, completely frozen over. Everything was icy-white with underlying tones of earth-brown. We were in awe and the driver said, “See, isn’t it beautiful?”. Just as I was about to agree, the road suddenly ended and we were catapulted off the cliff, headed straight into the icy abyss below us. I was struck with this immediate knowing that we were not going to survive. I right away had the thought that I needed to use my spiritual tools, most importantly energetically grounding myself and my son. It was instantaneous, this surrender and knowing that everything as I had known it was about to completely be gone. The sense of calm that came over me as I acknowledged this was surreal.
A regular practice in my life has been remembering to consciously breathe. Yea, yea I’ve never actually forgotten to take those simple breathes that supply oxygen to my cells – but doing it in a very intentional manner is one of those things that was actually shut down during my childhood.
When I was younger, I clearly remember some of the adults in my life taking big exhales during times of stress, and being the empathic child that I was I quickly absorbed all the “yuck” they were exhaling as if I were an extra absorbant sponge. As one might guess, it didn’t feel so good. I remember at one point making a conscious decision that I would try very hard never to make noise when I breathed so as not to affect others around me.
Fast forward 20 years and I quite frequently found myself feeling my body all locked up, headachy, stiff, unenergized, etc. It took me several years to realize part of why I felt so terrible was because my breaths had turned into shallow inhales, and only when absolutely neccessary. Eventually, I finally made the connection that the decision I had vividly made when I was a child, to take silent breaths, had turned into something so much more. I had completely pushed any consciousness out of the way I was feeding my body what it needs to support not only my cells, but also my spirits’ ability to connect into my physical being.
This is an interesting summary of a transition I seem to be going through lately – I love the analogy:
Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.
“Look!” said one of the water bugs to another. “One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?” Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn’t return. “That’s funny!” said one water bug to another. “Wasn’t she happy here?” asked a second water bug. “Where do you suppose she went?” wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. “I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why.” “We promise,” they said solemnly.
It’s coming up on my own personal annual holiday, one that I lovingly call “Pull Your Head Out of Your Arse Day”. I decided to recognize this annual day several years ago when I was reflecting on the odd “coincidence” that I happen to of had two car accidents on the same date. The first was when I was in High School and the second one was 7 years later.
In retrospect, I can see they both occurred around times in my life where a major transition was about to occur – but I was wanting things to stay the same and completely ignoring the little signs that I was being given to nudge me in a new direction. So what did I get instead? A big-ole-whammy (of a car accident) that forced me to change; and the fact that I had two incidents where this happened on the exact same date is more than simply coincidence. Perhaps it’s even so that I could be here today, telling you about this holiday of mine.
I recently had a dream where I was invited to attend a private meeting with many of today’s great spiritual leaders. The gathering was held in someone’s home and before things got started we were all sitting in the living room sharing what we were each going to speak about during the meeting. When it got to be my turn I was a little caught off guard, presuming I got to partake by simply listening to all the goings-on, and I said “Uh, I wasn’t aware that I was going to have to present anything”. Shock and disbelief from the entire room. I quickly chimed in, “But, that’s okay, I’ll just make it up in the moment.” A flood of relief came over everyone as there seemed to be acceptance with that answer, and it was quickly on to the next person. Throughout the dream I had that feeling – you probably know it – where, as you are taking a nap and just start to wake up your body feels all tingly, relaxed and all around euphoric; but your head feels all numb, you can’t quite wake up and are tempted to roll back over and continue sleeping.
What does this dream mean to me? Well, I took it as reinforcement that I am starting to awaken to my role as a spiritual leader, and the essence of what that will look like, in this lifetime, is just starting to manifest into my physical reality. When I catch glimpses of it through my teaching, doing psychic readings, energy work and meditations I feel amazing, my heart sings and it’s a general state of serenity. However, I’m still in that awakening phase where I’m often tempted to return to my old ways of being, and it’s oh-so-enticing to roll over and go back to sleep.